Editorial: Starting the year with good habits

School has started again. That’s right, this week wasn’t a dream. And now that you’re staring the facts in the face and have to accept the attendant chaos you’re about to be subjected to for the next few months, you may as well be ready for it. And with the start of school comes cliches about turning over a new leaf … it truly is the best time of the year to start a good habit. So as follows, we introduce the LSNews.org list of good habits (and Cheap Tricks) for getting you through the school year (and understanding obscure references to rock bands).

The first thing to remember is that gear is highly important. Have you been walking around with the same backpack since sixth grade? Do you suddenly feel that you’re terribly behind in fashion? Do you feel you have far too few books since you only have four classes? Then you’re probably fresh out of the middle school.

For the rest of you, here’s a few tips. One, the binder is the heart of academic organization, and should be quite versatile. We suggest getting one comfortable enough to be utilized as pillow, because we know you’re going to nod off in class eventually. Two, a variety of colored pens is critical. Not for note taking of course, just to make sure you’re set for the end of the year to be able to sign yearbooks with them. And finally, always have paper available, mainly to indiscriminately scribble. And really, look at how far Da Vinci just got on that.

Moving on, navigating the halls. This isn’t Hans Herr anymore where it’s one big square. In fact, at the high school, we have two squares … yeah, it’s pretty intense -- that’s twice as many squares. So keep this in mind: if you ever hear harmonica music, that isn’t the music hallway. That’s the math hallway, what else? All right, so you have a starting point. Now, just start going downstairs until you hear a whole bunch of discordant combinations of notes and noise. Now you are in the music hallway … run. Do not pass go, do not collect $200 … just run. Go back up the stairs, hang a left into the nurse’ office to sign up for Track and Field, since you’re already getting in some exercise.

Also remember: if you see someone walking around who looks like he belongs in a different century, don’t fear. It’s just Mr. Shockey on picture day. And always ask teachers standing outside their doors for directions, even if you’re the last one in the hallway. They want an excuse to stay away from their students a few seconds longer.

And then, we come to lunch. In case you’ve been living under one of the tables that was recently removed from the cafeteria, SEVEN PEOPLE ARE ALLOWED AT A LUNCH TABLE. More on seating later. Beyond that, enjoy yourselves, make the most of it, and eat as many cookies as you like. Because remember, Fat Tuesday will come around soon, and we must find something to fill the yawning intestinal void left by Fasnachts being taken off the menu.

Seating is even easier: the senior citizens sit outside until about November, when they come inside and pretend to be insulted that a group of freshmen have taken their table from the year before.

And finally, back to those good habits. How fortunate you are to have the veteran LSNews.org editorial board to show you the ropes on how to set good academic habits! Unfortunately, we can’t tell you anything. There are deep dark secrets to protect … we learned in Brit. Lit. to trust no one. Thanks George Orwell!

But we can tell you these three things:
  1. When in doubt the answer is C, but statistically there is only a 30% chance two C answers will be side by side, and there are more false answers than true, and only 46% of the time will answers go skip letters (Ex. 15 B, 16 D), but are more likely to occur between twenty-two and thirty-five, and keep in mind A is wrong almost 78% of the time and none of these instructions matter if you have Mrs. Rettew who just likes to mess with you. Also there’s a 62% chance we made all of this up. Got that?
  2. Get into extracurricular activities to make new friends who you won’t be able to see because you are too busy with your extracurricular activities.
  3. It is important to learn a second language (it’s good to know what Mr. Albanese is muttering under his breath about us Americans).

And with that, we at LSNews.org hope we’ve given you some better footing for the school year. With this guide, you’ll have one foot in the classroom and the other on a banana peel.

Tune in next week for our special on treating minor injuries with Scotch tape and glitter.

Editor’s Note: Each week, the LSNews.org editorial board (comprised of the editor-in-chief, managing editor, each section editor, and the co-directors of photography -- see the staff page for more details) will strive to publish an editorial on a topic relevant to L-S students and the world around them. Some will be more humorous and may better fit in a publication called “The Pi-onion”, while others will tackle serious issues, such as this one (Charleston). All reflect the collective opinion of the editorial board unless otherwise noted, and all will contain information as to who the lead writer was. In this case, managing editor Justin Burkett wrote the bulk of the piece with minor copyedits from editor-in-chief Ben Pontz. If you would like to suggest a topic for an editorial or have any questions or concerns, please email us at lspioneernews@gmail.com. Thank you. -- BP


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