BREAKING NEWS: Seven students to be allowed at L-S lunch tables

Editor’s Note: Please brace yourself. This is the most shocking news item you will read regarding L-S schools all summer, and may cause sudden panic attacks. Be advised … now, take a deep breath, and begin reading.

Seven: the number of days in a week, the number of red stripes on the American flag, and, perhaps most notably to L-S High School, the number of students now permitted at a lunch table.
In a monumental metamorphosis of administration policy, Mr. Eric Spencer, Principal of L-S High School, announced that for the 2015-16 school year, seven students will be permitted at each lunch table. In doing so, Spencer ceded to the desire of a burgeoning chorus of students, whose incessant criticism of the previous six-to-a-table policy grew into outright defiance, as students loathed the awkward situation of having to remove an “extra” person from their lunch table.
The six-to-a-table policy originated upon Spencer’s arrival at L-S, and was ostensibly instituted to allow for the placement of devices from the district’s Bring Your Own Device (BYOD) program in the center of tables. That program has not seen the type of participation for which Spencer had planned, thus removing a key underlying justification for the old policy.
The other primary reason for the six-to-a-table policy was congestion in the cafeteria, including a potential fire hazard.
“We removed the entire last row of tables,” Spencer explains.
Although he still has some concerns about potential overcrowding, he is willing to try the new system.
The L-S cafeteria; astute viewers 
will note that thus far, there still 
appear to be six chairs at each table
“A lot of us have been pushing for this since we were freshmen,” says senior Alyssa Van Lenten. “Our older siblings remember sitting eight to a table. It just seems wrong to kick out a friend because there’s a rule against moving chairs.”
In the past, many students simply defied the rule, and sat with seven students at a table until an administrator asked a student to leave, a daily occurrence conducted somewhat reluctantly, but persistently, throughout the past several years. Although such defiance was technically breaking a rule, few discipline referrals occurred, and towards the end of last school year, the administration began dropping hints that such a change may occur.
Immediate student reaction seems largely positive.
“That’s a big move from the administration. I am happy to be able to have an extra friend at my table,” says Everett Honert, a sophomore.
One friend -- not two -- is the order of the day in the L-S cafeteria, and an expansion seems unlikely … for now.

As L-S begins this huge shift in cafeteria policy, stay with for updates on how this affects student behavior, morale, and comfort during lunch. We will be live-tweeting the first day of school with additional information, and invite students to Tweet with #TableFor7 … just not during lunch. Please stay tuned.

More serious editor’s note: We thank Mr. Spencer for his good humor as we dramatize this change in policy.

--Benjamin Pontz, Editor-In-Chief

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