Wonder what living with extreme anxiety is like? This L-S student shares her experience.

Last week, Lampeter-Strasburg High School students participated in a "Minding Your Mind" assembly. During the presentation, the keynote speaker shared her experience suffering from anxiety at a young age. She suggested that one method to cope with personal anxiety was to share your thoughts and feelings with others. In this anonymous installment of In My Own Words, one L-S student does just that.

In My Own Words
In this installment of In My Own Words, a Lampeter-Strasburg student shares what life is like suffering from anxiety. 

You wake up in the morning and try your best to get up and get through the day. You get out of bed and get dressed in whatever is comfy because you don't care about looking good. You get on the bus and cannot stop thinking about what awkward situations you are going to be in today. You notice that you are physically shaking just like every other day of your life.
You get to school, drop your bags off at your homeroom and start walking to your friend's homeroom. On your way there, all you are thinking is "what if she's not there, what am I going to do?" You get there, and thankfully she is there. You hang out there until you have to be in first period.

In first period, you have no friends so you just sit there trying not to move because people are sitting behind you and if you move too much, they will get annoyed. You hear the popular kids in the back of the classroom, the only things crossing your brain are, "what did I do, why are they laughing at me, is there something wrong with the way I look?" The bell rings, you finally get to leave. Your next class is five rooms down the hall.
Second period. Basically, the same thing as first period, except this is your favorite and best subject. Your teacher has you sitting in the front so one wrong move will change everything. If you turn in your test too soon, you are now known as the 'too smart for their own good' person. If you ask one wrong question, people laugh at you for being stupid, so you don't say a thing. 

You still have no friends in here, so when a teacher tells you to find a partner, you stand there worrying about who the teacher will make you work with. There are people in this class that have been mean to you in the past so all you are trying to do is stay invisible at any cost. The bell rings. You have to walk across the school where it is really crowded. You are getting overwhelmed because of the number of people in the hall. You try not to break down, but you are just shaking even more than you already are. You finally get to the other side of school without completely breaking down.

It is now lunch time. You don't eat anything because you really are not in the mood. There are people at this lunch that you have talked to over text, but if you speak to them in person, it will be incredibly awkward, so you hide. Your friend is at this lunch. Even though she is aware, you act like everything is normal because she would never actually understand. You hide the fact that you are still shaking from this morning so that she cannot see. You get through the entire lunch period and start walking to your next class. Your friend is in your next class, so you walk together. You convince her to take the long way to next period so that you can avoid the crowded hallways.

It is now third period. This is the only class that you have a good friend. Luckily this class you are in the back of the room so that you don't have to be in front of everyone. Your teacher goes around to each student and asks them how they are. When he comes to you, you say that you are okay even though you really are not. You don't want everyone else in the class to know that your mind is going a thousand miles a minute. 

You get time to work on your homework for the week, but you can't focus on anything, so you sit there and try your best. The bell rings. You know that now you have to pass someone in the hallways that has told you that he likes you. You have never talked to him in person, and you don't really want to. You start shaking even more. You pass him but he doesn't see you. You keep walking and get to your next period.
Fourth period. Guitar. This class is all guys except for you and a friend. You have to play guitar in front of everyone one today. You are extremely vulnerable. You aren't comfortable around these people at all because 75% of them are seniors and you are only a freshman. You get in front of the class, say your name, what you will be playing and you start. You are visibly shaking but you do okay. You get through the period fine and the bell rings. You don't have to walk too far to your next period.
Now you just have time to work on homework, you are in the gym so you can't always focus. You do what you can, and you get through the rest of the day. The bell rings, and now you have a loud bus ride home. The senior in the back of the bus plays loud music. You have to sit on the inside so that you don't get car sick, but sitting on the inside gets you claustrophobic. You sit on the inside anyway. 

You get home and don't feel like talking to anyone because you had a long day. You don't feel like being social for a while. You look down at your hands, and your knuckles are red because you keep cracking them without thinking about it. You go to your room and watch Netflix for a while so you can forget about your own life for a while. You fall asleep for a nap. You eat dinner and go to bed.

-- By Anonymous 

In My Own Words is a first-person written series that highlights Lampeter-Strasburg High School students lives and activities.

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